Tag Archives: Star Trek Voyager

5 Random Star Trek Characters Who Would Make Better Presidents than Donald Trump

I haven’t posted in a while, and I love Star Trek as usual, so here are five random characters from the franchise who would make better presidents than Donald Trump.

*Mild SPOILER ALERT for plot elements of DS9, Voyager, TNG.*

5. Any Redshirt

Screen Shot 2016-08-13 at 3.05.39 PM

Series: Star Trek, The Original Series

About: A redshirt was a random crewman in a (duh) red shirt who beamed down to a planet just to die immediately, usually beginning an investigation by Kirk, Spock, and McCoy into a new alien threat or phenomenon.

Why a better president than Trump? Unlike Trump, Redshirts actually sacrificed something for their people/crew. Granted, they weren’t super bright–you’d think eventually they’d ask if some of those blue-shirted mofos could go on an away mission for once instead of them–but at least they actually did their jobs and shit. And probably paid taxes on their Starfleet salaries.

What they would say about/to Trump: “I can’t believe that guy would insult the family of a fallen sold–OH GOD, WHAT IS THAT THING? IT’S COMING FOR ME, CAPTAIN, PLEASE–” *dies*

4. Lon Suder

Screen Shot 2016-08-13 at 3.11.05 PM

Series: Star Trek: Voyager

About: Lon Suder is a violent sociopath who murders a fellow crewman in Season 2 because he “didn’t like the way he looked at him.” With the help of Tuvok (aka Black Spock), he regains some measure of control over his violent impulses to try to repay his debt to the crew. But he still likes killing people and never really stops liking it, up until his own demise.

Why a better president than Trump? Unlike Trump, he actually tries to not be a sociopath and ultimately works with the Doctor to take back Voyager from the Kazon (aka Lame Klingons with Weed Hair) while the rest of the crew is marooned on some random planet. He gives his life to save them. So, once again, actual heroic sacrifice. From a SOCIOPATH. 

What they would say about/to Trump: “He said what about Mexicans? Look, I know I killed a guy in cold blood for no reason, but I’m no racist. Excuse me, I have to go die now in order to complete my redemption arc, nice talking to you!”

3. The Borg Collective

Screen Shot 2016-08-13 at 3.21.15 PM

Series: Star Trek: The Next Generation; Star Trek: Voyager; Star Trek: First Contact (film)

About: The Borg collective is a cybernetically-enhanced species that assimilates and consumes all technology and civilizations it encounters with the goal of galactic domination and “perfection.” They operate as a collective consciousness and purge the individuality of all people they assimilate. They’re like evil space zombie-locusts and are terrifying.

Why a better president than Trump? Despite being pure fucking evil, at least the Borg are efficient, organized, and have a plan. They have a solid anti-discrimination policy and are willing to absorb all cultures regardless of stereotypes. Also, they have transwarp drive capacity, which would definitely be a boon to the US economy!

What they would say about/to Trump: “We are the Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile. Your biological and technological distinctiveness will be added to our–oh, wait? It’s you again, isn’t it? The Trump human? You know what, I think we’re good on biological and technological distinctiveness for right now. We’ll just be on our way to fight Janeway again. Sorry to bother you.”

2. The Wormhole Aliens

Screen Shot 2016-08-13 at 3.32.14 PM

Series: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

About: The Wormhole Aliens, aka the Prophets, are beings who live outside of time in a stable wormhole that connects the Alpha and Gamma Quadrants of the galaxy (a 70K light year distance). Deep Space Nine basically guards its entrance in the Alpha Quadrant. The aliens are also seen as the gods of Bajor, a nearby planet where people have weird noses and wear one earring. There’s also some space Jesus stuff going on, but I don’t want to spoil the arc of the show.

Why a better president than Trump? While Trump does seem to think he is God, these beings are actually gods, so BOO-YAH. Also, they built a passage that makes it possible for humans to make a 70-year journey in, like, ten seconds, so they could really attack the problem of our crumbling infrastructure head-on.

What they would say about/to Trump: “Where is the Sisko? Who are you? Why do you exist here?” *Listens to Trump ramble for five minutes incoherently* “We thought we were incomprehensible and cryptic, but we have nothing on you. The Trump is aggressive. The Trump is a moron. We must destroy the Trump.” *Uses wormhole energy to completely evaporate Trump as if he is a Dominion warship*

1. Porthos the Dog

Screen Shot 2016-08-13 at 3.45.04 PM

Series: Star Trek: Enterprise

About: Porthos is a Beagle that belongs to Captain Archer, who is (sorry, Scott Bakula) objectively the lamest Captain. He goes on the Enterprise with Archer and a couple times almost dies. His almost-death is a plot point of some significance in one particular episode. There is a reason Enterprise was canceled after only four seasons.

Why a better president than Trump? He’s a pretty cute, nice dog. Likes everyone. Does well in new situations. Good listener. Not the color of a Cheeto.

What they would say about/to Trump: *Is transported down to Earth, takes a huge dump on Trump’s shoes, is transported back to the Enterprise immediately*

 

 

 

Star Trek: 5 Somewhat Unpopular Fan Opinions (A-Z Challenge)

Anyone who has had a conversation with me for more than five minutes know that I have two TV passions that will stay with me until the day I die: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Star Trek. Today is S day for the blogging challenge, so that means one thing: STAR TREK DAY!

And because I love me some controversy, below are five somewhat controversial opinions I hold on the franchise beloved by nerds everywhere. Be warned: THERE WILL BE FEMINISM.

Now, Number 1, ENGAGE! MAXIMUM WARP!

1. The Original Series is kind of meh: Some of my earliest television memories are not of Sesame Street or The Muppets, but rather of watching my dad’s complete set of Star Trek: TOS VHS tapes (early 90s FTW!) on lazy Saturdays. In particular, I watched the Tribble episode over and over, because what five-year-old doesn’t enjoy fuzzy blobs of fast-breeding purring cuteness? And while I still believe Star Trek: TOS is one of the great classic TV shows, I prefer the later series and films, with their diverse casts and modern acting styles (oh, Shatner’s delivery sometimes). I know, I’m a blasphemer: COME AT ME, FANDOM. Also, sorry, Dad, don’t kill me! And yes, The City at the Edge of Forever is the best TOS episode.

thecityontheedgeofforeverhd557
STAHP IT I’M GONNA CRY!

2. I Like Star Trek: Generations (#7 movie): I know this movie is universally hated, and yes, I think it did poorly by (SPOILER) Kirk’s death, but I actually really like it. The scene where Picard tells Troi about his brother’s  and nephew’s deaths is particularly touching, and I thought the concept of the Nexus ribbon, which is basically heaven, was unique. Underrated!

generations
Don’t lie, you would totally live in the Nexus.

3. My favorite uniforms are the ones from Voyager and early DS9: I know everyone prefers the grey/black uniforms from First Contact and beyond, but they are WRONG. There’s something about the simplicity of the Voyager and early DS9 jumpsuits that speak to me. They just look very comfortable, though I know the real-life versions probably weren’t.

2. I like Data’s Day: Many trekkies HATE the TNG episode “Data’s Day,” where Data relates a day in his life to a correspondent. It’s comic, touching, exciting (FAKE VULCAN AMBASSADOR WHO IS ACTUALLY ROMULAN FTW!) and always makes me tear up in the end, despite the presence of (ugh) Chief O’Brien, who should be nicknamed CHIEF MISOGYNY in his treatment of his wife, Keiko, who is too damned good for him.

1. I love Voyager and Janeway is my favorite captain: Oh, how the fanboys LOVE to hate on Voyager and Captain Janeway (especially Captain Janeway)! But honestly, I never understood the hate for the series–it had no more “bad” episodes than TNG, the first two seasons of which were mostly awful–though I do understand the hate for Janeway. In my opinion, she was a character before her time on television: a flawed, strong, badass woman who made controversial and sometimes wrong decisions. And yet people hate her. Why? Welp, considering that she was the most like the beloved Kirk than any other captain (she basically said “fuck it” to the Prime Directive when it suited her, and was constantly gambling based on her gut), fans’ hatred of her basically boils down to her vagina. Plain and simple. And yes, people will argue to the death that OH, I DON’T LIKE HER BECAUSE XYZ, but XYZ is usually bullshit and, again, never that different than the shit that Kirk, and even Sisko and Picard, pulled on more than one occasion (um, remember when Sisko was basically an ACCESSORY TO MURDER? Kind of torturing that one douche from the Equinox was nothin’, my friends!). People forget that this bitch was 75,000 lightyears from home and had to do EVERYTHING on her own, with only Chakotay and his tattoo to advise her when she went too far. She saved Seven’s humanity, made Tom Paris a decent human being, took a chance on the maquis, and, oh right, she CHANGED HISTORY to get her crew home sooner! She’s a BAMF with fabulous god-damned hair, and I will defend her, and Kate Mulgrew’s performance (yes, that’s the woman from OITNB, she was badass before that show) until the day I die. As I always say:

right way janeway

Kathryn_Janeway-10
My hair is fabulous and ridiculous and I WILL DESTROY THIS SHIP BEFORE I LET YOU BOARD IT!

Please boldly go into the comment section and leave me your thoughts! Long live Janeway!