Ten Things the “Dear Fat People” Vlogger Could Do Instead of Recording Boring, Hateful Videos

So, I finally broke down and watched the viral “Dear Fat People” video (not going to link, if you want to watch it you can find it easily), and, honestly, there’s nothing new to be said about it that hasn’t already been eloquently expressed by a gazillion other people, notably Lindy West at the Guardian and Whitney Thore on YouTube.  All I’ll share in terms of direct commentary on the video is my facial expression while watching it.  Enjoy:

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You’ll note that while I look disgusted, I am also bored.  If this girl wanted to truly shock anyone with fat-shaming, she could have at least been more original about it.  Like, I don’t know, she could have straight up beat a fat person on camera, maybe?  Oh, God, wait, I shouldn’t give her any ideas…if you’re reading this, hate vlogger person, THAT WAS A JOKE!  DON’T DO IT; IT IS A FELONY TO BEAT PEOPLE!

So instead of providing further commentary on the video itself, I present to you, dear readers, my list of Ten Things the “Dear Fat People” Vlogger Could Do Instead of Recording Boring, Hateful Videos:

10. Take a comedy class: This person is allegedly a “comedian,” though nothing I’ve seen from her shows that she is, or has ever been, remotely funny.  Her Google Info thingy says she is from Hamilton, Ontario, and a quick search finds that there is a nearby establishment, The Making Box, that provides FREE Improv Classes!  She should sign up!  Maybe they’ll help her discover some sort of comedic voice, eventually?

9. Donate to a Food Bank: It’s been proven that poverty and obesity are linked – when people don’t have access to fresh, healthy food, they eat whatever is cheapest and available, like fast food or junk food.  So if you’re really concerned about obesity, here’s a list (again, quick Google search) of Food Banks in the Hamilton area that she could donate to instead of making dumb videos!

8. Take a nap: This girl seems very grumpy about the existence of fat people.  Maybe she should take a nap?  I always feel better after a nap!  Naps are the best!

7. Do her job: As a result of this video, this person was allegedly fired from a legitimate showbiz job.  If she’d just done her job instead of recording this video, she would not have been fired!  What a concept, getting paid for doing real things!  (Ironically, the job was on an anti-bullying video/film).

6. Read a book: Books are great!  I wrote one, and I’m trying to get it published!  Since she can’t read my book (yet, fingers crossed), I have several recommendations:

Station Eleven (by Emily St. John Mandel): Post apocalypse, a troupe of musicians and actors travel the Great Lakes region performing Shakespeare and classical music for the survivors of a plague that has wiped out more than 99% of the world’s population.  Finished it this weekend, it was great!

Bossypants (by Tina Fey): An actual funny book written by an actual funny comedienne!  She could learn from this.

Any one of these 10 children’s books about kindness (Various Authors): The reading level (grades K-4) is probably her speed, and she could definitely stand to learn a thing or two about kindness!

5. Drink a margarita: Similar to #13, if I’m feeling stressed or grumpy or otherwise inclined towards being cruel to my fellow humans, a margarita instantly improves my mood!  You can get them at almost any bar, they’re wonderful!

4. Volunteer at a low income school: If she can’t find one in Canada, we have plenty here in the United States.  If she’s so concerned about obesity, children in low-income neighborhoods with limited resources at schools are generally less active and receive less education about health in general.  Volunteer an hour or two a week to give a local teacher some help so he or she can better help her students learn how to take care of their bodies and minds.

3. Have a cup of coffee: Maybe she made a boring, hateful video because she was off after having missed her daily cappuccino?  I prefer iced coffee and Starbucks Iced Chai Tea Lattes myself, but since she’s so concerned about calories she will probably just have hers black.  Either way, the caffeine should perk her right up and make her less likely to spew vitriol on the internet and focus her energies on more productive pursuits.

2. Donate to the American Heart Association (or similar organizations): This person seemed very concerned in the video about people dying of heart disease, so if she’s that worried she could donate money or time to one of the many reputable charities and organizations that are searching for a cure to this condition, which affects people of all sizes and weights!

1. Literally anything else: Do 100 jumping-jacks.  Watch You’ve Got Mail for the hundredth time and cry at the end when Meg Ryan discovers her correspondence-love was Tom Hanks all along (spoiler alert).  Go for a walk.  Eat a piece of pizza.  Take a dip in a pool.  Binge-watch all five live-action Star Trek TV series on Netflix (well, maybe not Enterprise, that one was kind of a dud).  Smell a flower.  Do literally anything else other than spew hate towards a group of people who have most likely experienced more emotional pain yesterday than you, as a thin, blonde, conventionally attractive woman, have experienced in the last ten years.

I highly doubt that this Vlogger will read this, but in case she does, feel free to add your own suggestions for things she could do instead of spewing hate in the comments!  I’m sure I missed a few!

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