Sunday afternoon, I returned to San Francisco from Eurotrip 2015™ and made a valiant effort to stay awake until 9 pm. I failed immediately, and as a result I was a mess today and am now wide awake at 4:30 am. So, what the hell, why not compose, for your reading pleasure, my list of the Top Ten Best Things about Europe?
10. Statues: It’s well known that Europe has approximately 300,000% more statues than America. This has been proven by Science™. In addition to the more famous statues, like the David above (apparently made by Michelangelo; who knew that the Ninja Turtles were such Renaissance mutants?), there’s just, like, so many random statues EVERYWHERE in Europe. Just chillin’, as one does if one is a statue. And they’re all crazy cool/beautiful/creepy, like this random statue of a baby I saw in Siena. Love statues!
9. Views: Now, America has TONS of great views, don’t get me wrong, but the views in Europe are pretty killer and also very ancient because everything was built in the Middle Ages, which is ridiculous because they had to do it all with, like, levers and pullies and shit. Nuts!
8. Ceilings: Ceilings in Europe >>>> ceilings elsewhere. They had that on lock, like, 1000 years ago. Can’t be beat, really. Sorry, USA.
7. Windows: To be clear, I’m talking about actual windows that you could use for defenestration, not Microsoft Windows. That Windows sucks and is also apparently a tool for spying on your whole existence #macbookair4lyfe.
6. Random art exhibits everywhere: Europe does not waste space in which to display/store art. This random lit-up face sculpture, for instance, was in the vast basement of the ancient Medieval Siena hospital. The face just had a whole room to itself.
5. Food: NOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM
4. Churches: I’m not a religious person, but I have to say, Catholics back in the day knew how to build a church. They did not screw around with Jesus or architecture. NOICE.
3. Bones: To be clear, I am not referring to the long-running procedural on Fox starring Emily Deschanel and
Angel David Boreanaz that stopped being interesting once they got together. In Europe, they sometimes take, like, thousands of bones and stack them in underground caverns with creepy lighting and let tourists come in and look at them. It’s like Halloween year-round, but more legit.
2. Universal Health Care: I don’t have a picture for this, but it’s pretty awesome and should sort of be a basic right and let’s get on this, America.
1. MOAR FOOD: Lol you chumps didn’t really think I’d really leave the FOOD IN EUROPE at #5, did you? The food is just ridiculous and now I have to not eat for weeks to fit back in my jeans. BUT IT WAS WORTH IT.
Thanks for reading! I’ll be back later this week with my list of the Ten WORST things about Europe 🙂