5 Random Star Trek Characters Who Would Make Better Presidents than Donald Trump

I haven’t posted in a while, and I love Star Trek as usual, so here are five random characters from the franchise who would make better presidents than Donald Trump.

*Mild SPOILER ALERT for plot elements of DS9, Voyager, TNG.*

5. Any Redshirt

Screen Shot 2016-08-13 at 3.05.39 PM

Series: Star Trek, The Original Series

About: A redshirt was a random crewman in a (duh) red shirt who beamed down to a planet just to die immediately, usually beginning an investigation by Kirk, Spock, and McCoy into a new alien threat or phenomenon.

Why a better president than Trump? Unlike Trump, Redshirts actually sacrificed something for their people/crew. Granted, they weren’t super bright–you’d think eventually they’d ask if some of those blue-shirted mofos could go on an away mission for once instead of them–but at least they actually did their jobs and shit. And probably paid taxes on their Starfleet salaries.

What they would say about/to Trump: “I can’t believe that guy would insult the family of a fallen sold–OH GOD, WHAT IS THAT THING? IT’S COMING FOR ME, CAPTAIN, PLEASE–” *dies*

4. Lon Suder

Screen Shot 2016-08-13 at 3.11.05 PM

Series: Star Trek: Voyager

About: Lon Suder is a violent sociopath who murders a fellow crewman in Season 2 because he “didn’t like the way he looked at him.” With the help of Tuvok (aka Black Spock), he regains some measure of control over his violent impulses to try to repay his debt to the crew. But he still likes killing people and never really stops liking it, up until his own demise.

Why a better president than Trump? Unlike Trump, he actually tries to not be a sociopath and ultimately works with the Doctor to take back Voyager from the Kazon (aka Lame Klingons with Weed Hair) while the rest of the crew is marooned on some random planet. He gives his life to save them. So, once again, actual heroic sacrifice. From a SOCIOPATH. 

What they would say about/to Trump: “He said what about Mexicans? Look, I know I killed a guy in cold blood for no reason, but I’m no racist. Excuse me, I have to go die now in order to complete my redemption arc, nice talking to you!”

3. The Borg Collective

Screen Shot 2016-08-13 at 3.21.15 PM

Series: Star Trek: The Next Generation; Star Trek: Voyager; Star Trek: First Contact (film)

About: The Borg collective is a cybernetically-enhanced species that assimilates and consumes all technology and civilizations it encounters with the goal of galactic domination and “perfection.” They operate as a collective consciousness and purge the individuality of all people they assimilate. They’re like evil space zombie-locusts and are terrifying.

Why a better president than Trump? Despite being pure fucking evil, at least the Borg are efficient, organized, and have a plan. They have a solid anti-discrimination policy and are willing to absorb all cultures regardless of stereotypes. Also, they have transwarp drive capacity, which would definitely be a boon to the US economy!

What they would say about/to Trump: “We are the Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile. Your biological and technological distinctiveness will be added to our–oh, wait? It’s you again, isn’t it? The Trump human? You know what, I think we’re good on biological and technological distinctiveness for right now. We’ll just be on our way to fight Janeway again. Sorry to bother you.”

2. The Wormhole Aliens

Screen Shot 2016-08-13 at 3.32.14 PM

Series: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

About: The Wormhole Aliens, aka the Prophets, are beings who live outside of time in a stable wormhole that connects the Alpha and Gamma Quadrants of the galaxy (a 70K light year distance). Deep Space Nine basically guards its entrance in the Alpha Quadrant. The aliens are also seen as the gods of Bajor, a nearby planet where people have weird noses and wear one earring. There’s also some space Jesus stuff going on, but I don’t want to spoil the arc of the show.

Why a better president than Trump? While Trump does seem to think he is God, these beings are actually gods, so BOO-YAH. Also, they built a passage that makes it possible for humans to make a 70-year journey in, like, ten seconds, so they could really attack the problem of our crumbling infrastructure head-on.

What they would say about/to Trump: “Where is the Sisko? Who are you? Why do you exist here?” *Listens to Trump ramble for five minutes incoherently* “We thought we were incomprehensible and cryptic, but we have nothing on you. The Trump is aggressive. The Trump is a moron. We must destroy the Trump.” *Uses wormhole energy to completely evaporate Trump as if he is a Dominion warship*

1. Porthos the Dog

Screen Shot 2016-08-13 at 3.45.04 PM

Series: Star Trek: Enterprise

About: Porthos is a Beagle that belongs to Captain Archer, who is (sorry, Scott Bakula) objectively the lamest Captain. He goes on the Enterprise with Archer and a couple times almost dies. His almost-death is a plot point of some significance in one particular episode. There is a reason Enterprise was canceled after only four seasons.

Why a better president than Trump? He’s a pretty cute, nice dog. Likes everyone. Does well in new situations. Good listener. Not the color of a Cheeto.

What they would say about/to Trump: *Is transported down to Earth, takes a huge dump on Trump’s shoes, is transported back to the Enterprise immediately*

 

 

 

Jackie live blogs Batman vs. Superman months after everyone else saw it because reasons

Happy Sunday! The other night, I decided to watch Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice On Demand, because I am a sad person who had nothing better to do and did not learn my lesson after seeing “Man of Steel” in theaters a couple years ago. Hey, at least I only spent 5 bucks on B v. S, as opposed to the FIFTEEN DOLLARS I gave Zack Synder for MOS. As I watched this nearly THREE-HOUR collection of random speeches and fight scenes with the occasional Ben Affleck nightmare thrown in movie, I opened a WordPress draft and jotted down my thoughts. Also, this is a huge DUH, but…

SPOILER ALERT: DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN B V. S AND ACTUALLY WANT TO SEE IT AT SOME POINT!!!!!

JACKIE LIVE BLOGS BATMAN VS. SUPERMAN MONTHS AFTER EVERYONE ELSE SAW IT BECAUSE REASONS, featuring: 

Evil Mark Zuckerberg, aka Lex Luthor, aka EMZ for short

Ben Affleck’s chin butt

Henry Cavill’s chin butt

Amy Adams getting paid millions of dollars

Wonder Woman, who is The Best (TM)

A gross Zod-monster

Morpheus

Snark

Poor grammar and punctuation

It’s starting! I wish I had wine.

So we’re seeing Batman’s origin story again. Sure, ok, cool, haven’t seen that thirty times in a million other movies, fine.

Batman’s dad has a mustache, that’s new!

Jeremy Irons is in this movie? Oooh, Hans Zimmer does the score? Love it.

Who knew Batman’s mom was named Martha TOO?? I WONDER IF THAT WILL BE A PLOT POINT?

Um WHAT IS THIS BATS CANNOT MAKE KIDS FLY UNREALISTIC I CALL SHENANIGANS

OH it’s a dream, nm then. Ugh dreams.

You needed BRUCE WAYNE TO TELL YOU TO GET OUT OF THE BUILDING DURING A MASSIVE ALIEN ATTACK? COME ON NOW.

Flashback Bruce looks as dismayed watching Zod/Superman destroy Metropolis as I felt watching “Man of Steel.”

Oh good, this moron is praying now. Whatever, why didn’t HE GET OUT OF THE BUILDING? Stupid Jack, whoever Jack is.

So this is batman’s 9/11 okay fine

So I also hated man of steel, Bruce, but to be fair this is all zod’s fault as I recall so don’t look so salty.

When does Mark Zuckerberg show up?

Now we’re going on a world tour, okay

Oh god, amy adams, i forgot how much I hated her in this role and I usually love her, for real.

SHIT DID JIMMY OLSEN JUST GET MURDERED AND IS ALSO IN THE CIA? Or is that a random photo guy? Jimmy Olsen is a girl now, right? #feminism

LOL THAT WARLORD TOOK A GUN TO A SUPERMAN FIGHT

I feel like that whole african village genocide disaster would have been avoided if clark had just gone with her to the village in the first place.

Lol YOU DON’T CARE THAT YOU GOT A WHOLE VILLAGE MURDERED CLARK? Okay, sure, you’re a big hero, whatevs.

Of course in this scene Lois has to be naked in a bathtub.

I miss when Henry Cavill was on the Tudors, and when the Tudors was airing. That was pretty much the last time I watched Showtime.

Yay Batman doing a number on these human traffickers!

Jeremy Irons just makes me miss Michael Caine. He’s trying to give the doomsday speech from TDK but nothing beats “Some men just want to watch the world burn” in Caine’s nearly incomprehensible cockney.

Okay Henry Cavill with no shirt okay i see where you’re going with this zack snyder I’m on board.

Here’s mark zuckerberg and he’s really going all in on his Evil Mark Zuckerberg (EMZ) impression!

PEOPLE ARE DOING THINGS AT THE OFFICES OF FACEBOOK THAT YOU CAN’T EVEN UNDERSTAND, SENATOR SOUTHERNER!

Oh it’s Morpheus, hi! Bet you wish you took the other pill now, huh?

This seems like an unrealistic way to create news headlines and write a newspaper, how is the Daily Planet not out of business.

This movie is really choppy.

Oh, good, give Evil Mark Zuckerberg and his hair and hipster shirts access to the secret alien ship and Zod’s corpse, GOOD JOB GOVERNMENT.

Why is Bruce Wayne at Fight Club? Oh, right, the White Portuguese Russian or whatever

Oooh Clark is SUCH A BAT HATER

Every time Evil Mark Zuckerberg is onscreen I laugh. I don’t think it’s Jesse Eisenberg’s fault; Zack Snyder can’t direct or write or edit for shit, we knew this.

EWWWW BLEEDING GRAVES DREAM EEWWWWWW

Lol Alfred is your cranky mom who’s like WHEN YOU GONNA HAVE KIDS YOU AIN’T GETTIN’ ANY YOUNGER BRUCIE BOY!

Seriously, Clark, you don’t know who bruce wayne is? go back to smallville you moron.

YASS WONDER WOMAN. Lex Luthor sure invites a lot of superheroes to his soirees.

Wonder Woman is even less impressed with EMZ than I am.

Worst superhero pissing contest ever–I THINK YOU’RE DUMB NO I THINK YOU’RE DUMB!

Lol EMZ wants to “partner with” Bruce YEAAAHHH HE DOES.

Wow, bruce wayne is really bad at spying.

I do not care that Superman saved this girl or anyone.

I am bored by this superman saving people montage, Neil DeGrasse Tyson cameo notwithstanding

Gal Gadot’s wardrobe is amazing, and so far she is the best thing in this movie.

Okay I am confused as to how we got to this weird desert-place fight. Is this real? Is this a flashback?

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WHO IS THAT GUY IN BATMAN’S VISION/DREAM WHAT IS HAPPENING?

This movie is really just all over the place for no reason. I feel like the plot and various flashbacks/dreams could have been shortened and simplified and been much more powerful. And I know it’s not Marvel, but would it kill anyone to make a joke (on purpose) occasionally?

Okay I paused Comcast and made a salad with avocado. Yum!

I’m back. Ooh, obligatory batmobile vs. foreign black market criminals car chase w/rocket launchers and explosions.

Oh shit clark showed up and batman took a batmobile to a superman fight.

Okay for real superman is being very judge-y here. So batman put away one human trafficker who got killed in prison, fine, but superman should know after fighting Zod that there is sometimes collateral damage, including my soul after watching Man of Steel. He can lay off.

Shocker, Evil Mark Zuckerberg set up superman and batman and everyone!

lol soledad o’brien cameo!

Now we are moving into the extremely exciting CSPAN portion of the film.

Okay, so CSPAN was more exciting than I thought with ex-Wayne employee suicide bombing.

I am unmoved by this dramatic scene btw lois and clark at this time.

Bat workout/bat gadget building montage ftw! And while I prefer shirtless Henry Cavill, I ain’t mad at shirtless Ben Affleck either.

Shocker, Lex Luthor is spying on Wonder Woman, who is immortal and also KNOWS CAPTAIN KIRK Y’ALL! Now that is a movie I am excited for.

Unclear what Luthor is doing in the pond in the krypton ship other than generally trying to TAKE OVER THE WORLD, IT’S WHAT WE DO EVERY NIGHT, PINKY.

Oh, god, not clark kent hiking again and now field of dreams is happening at what i assume is the fortress of solitude.

And now a short and boring history of the Wayne family.

if they kill superman’s mom i’m gonna be real mad.

Gee, I wonder if they’re gonna capture lois lane, too! This bitch always getting captured.

If I were Lois I would jump myself off that building just so I wouldn’t have to listen to Evil Mark Zuckerberg anymore.

How much longer is this movie?

SHUT UP EVIL MARK ZUCKERBERG YOU ARE A MEDIOCRE MONOLOGUIST–IS THAT A WORD?–AT BEST.

I just checked and there is a FULL HOUR left in this movie.

Superman looks real constipated as he flies around.

Please, let Wonder Woman get involved so she can help move this along and wrap it up. Bitches get shit done.

Ooh, now we meet the rest of the Justice League, this is cool! Love that Khal Drogo is in the Justice League.

I want Barry White’s expense account. GET LOIS A CHOPPER! GET TO THA CHOPPA!

BRUCE AND CLARK ARE FACE TO FACE MAKE OUT DO IT DO IT!

Aww, no making out, I am disappoint.

Oh no Kryptonite gas and kryptonite armor oh nooooeees.

It is unclear when the kryptonite affects superman vs. not; he seems to recover randomly throughout the fight.

This is a fairly boring fight, like zero suspense as we know they eventually kiss and make up.

Um really? Batman is a murderer now, he gonna kill Clark? I don’t buy it.

Oh good, here comes Lois to be awful as usual.

It is quite useful that they both have moms named Martha! I CALLED IT, MOVIE, YOU CAN’T PULL NOTHIN’ ON ME!

Oh wow Lois is not awful for once; good for her!

Wait so that was all it took, them having moms with the same name? Now they’re friends? Really? This is how a bromance starts?

WHERE IS WONDER WOMAN?

Alfred is so chill about battling Russian mercenaries remotely via drone.

Okay, I like this fight, this is good, old-fashioned, Batman ass kicking Russians stuff to save Martha Deux.

How awkward would it be if Batman just totally let Martha die? “Hey, so Clark, uh, bad news, buddy…”

Martha meets Batman: “I’m a friend of your son’s.” “I figured…the cape.” Literally only line I laughed at in the whole movie so far that I was supposed to laugh at.

SHUT UP EVIL MARK ZUCKERBERG.

That monster made from Zod and EMZ blood is gross.

WHERE IS WONDER WOMAN SHE COULD BE VERY USEFUL RN IS ALL I’M SAYING.

Lol I love that Anderson Cooper is reporting on the monster with CNN scroll “ARMY CLASHES WITH CREATURE” that’s pretty good.

Wonder Woman is finally like, okay, these douches obvi cannot handle this without me brb flight attendant I gotta go take care of this for them because #feminism #ImWithHer.

The prez gonna nuke superman like a moron. I’m sure Trump would be all over that, he’s not a fan of immigrants, as we know.

Batman is like, OH NO MY NEW AND ONLY FRIEND WAAAAAAH WE WERE GONNA HAVE BOARD GAME NIGHT!

I’m so shocked that by nuking the monster they made it stronger. Attacking the monster with energy NEVER MAKES IT STRONGER, NEVER IN THE HISTORY OF MONSTERS (*dies from sarcasm*)

Zod-monster is un-killable, except, I BET, WITH BATMAN’S KRYPTONITE SCEPTER AMIRITE?

I was right about the scepter.

Superman is enjoying a really luxurious yellow sun bath rn and he looks ten years younger, it’s better than a leech facial, can I get a groupon for that treatment?

YASS WONDER WOMAN FINALLY!

Okay, I love that both boys are like, “wait, she’s not with you?”

Zero surprise that WW joins the team and the movie gets 10x snappier and more entertaining #misandry #mwahaha

GOOD JOB LOIS YOU COULD HAVE COMPLETELY AVOIDED ALMOST DROWNING IF YOU’D JUST CHILLED OUT FOR THREE SECONDS. Even Clark’s like, girl, just leave this one to me, okay? it’s cute that you try, but come on.

Lois, chill, Clark ain’t gonna die.

Wait, wait, wait. What?

Nuh-uh, is this shit for real?

I do not buy it. How do you have a Justice League without Superman? I assume he gonna be resurrected, I dunno, I didn’t read the comics, but he’s basically Jesus, right? I haven’t been to church in over a decade, either; I don’t remember how this works. Something about a cave and a rock and a prostitute?

Now there are dual funerals with symbolism and an engagement ring, and Batman is all like, “I failed him.” Uh, yeah, Batman. You totally did fail him. A lot. WW agrees with me, too.

“The devil’s coming omg he’s coming ding ding ding!” God, Bald Evil Mark Zuckerberg is annoying right up until the bitter end, isn’t he?

Okay yeah def Superman’s gonna be resurrected, floating dirt particles, okay fine.

After credits scene? Nope, not on Comcast at least.

Verdict: This movie was meh at best. I was entertained (and even surprised by Superman/Jesus death) by the last hour, but the first 1.5 hours needed some MAJOR editing. Also, a note to filmmakers: if your flashback or dream does not move the plot forward, CUT IT. Ain’t nobody got time for that. I would have liked the movie better if it had more shirtless Henry Cavill, as well, because I like objectifying hot men because MISANDRY, MWAHAHAHAH!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i’m exhausted.

Powerful, essential. This is real life.

Tears. Sweat. Sea.

I am tired. I am really fucking tired. I am emotionally, physically, and mentally worn out by the world that we are living in today. I spent all of this weekend immobile, barely able to walk around my apartment, because I couldn’t deal with all of the shit that is going on in this world. I didn’t know how to handle being a black woman in America. This burden is heavy, and I don’t want to carry it anymore. I can’t carry it anymore.

And yet, it gets heavier. I was scrolling through my Twitter feed, and saw this link.  The KKK. Here in SF. And recruiting. In my fucking backyard. The girl who received their recruitment flyer literally lives an 8 minute walk from my house, in a spot that I pass by on a weekly basis. I’m terrified, and I’m angry. I’m so fucking angry. It is 2016 and this racist bullshit is…

View original post 1,256 more words

Just another day in the neighborhood

I haven’t posted here in a while, mainly because I’ve been focusing my writing energies on finishing and editing a novel (ugh it is HARD, WHY IS WRITING HARD?), and also because, frankly, it seems like the fun, summery topics I would have liked to feature were all trivial in the grand scheme of the seemingly endless American and global tragedies of the last month or so, particularly the killing of yet two more black men by police last week in LA and MN, and then the massacre in Dallas. Basically, every time I thought about posting something, it seemed futile and dumb and silly. Especially this last week, when, as a white girl living in San Francisco, one of the most liberal places in the US and possibly the world, I felt like a lot of this was more removed than it would have been had I lived in, say, Mississippi or Georgia or even outside of San Francisco proper.

Today, however, a woman who lives one block away from me in the Haight neighborhood found this flier at her door around 12:30 pm (see article here; I also saw this woman’s post via NextDoor):

awful flier from 7.12
The “invisible empire” – how chilling is that?

Based on the rather sad grammar and composition of the flier and the original post from my neighbor, I’m pretty sure it’s genuine, which means that someone or some persons are undertaking to recruit, albeit rather pathetically, for the KKK–on Haight Street, of all places, which is hippie central if you ever saw it. Of course, the likelihood of this person(s) having any success in gaining converts is pretty freakin’ low, given the population here, which, while overwhelmingly white, is also overwhelmingly socially liberal (it’s not uncommon to see #BlackLivesMatter posters and shirts on black AND white people’s homes and bodies around here). Obviously, the entire area is openly disgusted with this flier, regardless of whether it is truly authentic or a bad, sick joke.

That being said, seeing this prompted two very different emotional reactions, the second of which generated this lovely post you’re reading now:

Initial Reaction: This is happening here? How dare they? It’s awful to think that there is someone who, if not living in my neighborhood, is spending time here in order to spread a message of hate and racism and try to recruit my neighbors into what is basically America’s #1 Lynching and Cross-Burning Club. My neighborhood, in my adopted city–how dare this monster, whoever he or she is, come into MY street and spew this shit! I was really riled up.

Secondary Reaction: Oh my God, I have so much privilege. Once this news started spreading via social media, I spoke about it with a black friend who also lives in the Haight, and has lived here longer than I have. I was bowled over when I heard this friend’s initial reaction, which was not one of disgust, as mine was, but of fear for their physical safety. This person takes a bus to work which drops off, sometimes late at night, a couple blocks from where this flier was found. Unlike me, their first thought was not, “What an asshole racist; I can’t believe someone would do this!” Their first thought was, “There’s possibly an asshole racist loitering nearby; what if they get violent?”

That’s the question we never really have to ask ourselves when it comes to racists, isn’t it, fellow white people?

What if they get violent? 

I saw the picture of that flier and became angry because I couldn’t believe this was happening in my neighborhood.

My black friend saw the picture of that flier and became frightened because they didn’t feel physically safe in their neighborhood.

 

 

What a giant reminder of my own privilege, huh?

So why am I writing this? I guess to offer another rebuttal to the “All Lives Matter” crowd in general, who are super loud right now: to at least to one dick racist KKK member in the Haight, all lives definitely don’t matter. But I also write to remind myself and any other white people living in so-called liberal enclaves that our homes are not exempt from the reality of racism and violence. We need to speak out and be strong, vigilant allies to our non-white neighbors and friends and family members. The site of the Summer of Love, with its graffiti murals and overpriced vegan burgers, can be just as dangerous a place for a non-white person as Ferguson, Missouri. We can’t get complacent. We can’t sit on our asses. The system is set up to benefit us, to keep us safe, no matter where we are–and that means it’s our responsibility to change that system so it keeps EVERYONE safe. We can’t ever forget that responsibility, vegan burgers or no.

#BlackLivesMatter

If you can, consider donating to the NAACP’s Legal Defense Fund– you can donate to support police reform in particular.

Ten Faces Paul Ryan Makes When He Remembers He Publicly Supports Donald Trump

Here are ten faces Paul Ryan* makes (to himself for now, but I’m sure increasingly to others as the election continues, especially if Trump continues to publicly accept congratulations on being “right” when 50 people are murdered in a gay club by an asshole) when he is just going about his day and then suddenly remembers that he has publicly endorsed Donald Trump for President and has committed himself to voting for him in November.

*Also applies to Mitch McConnell.

10. tobias blue giv

9.jim halpert no

8. picard facepalm gif

7. i don't feel so good gif.gif

6. lucille aaah.gif

5. dr. who.gif

4. sad wine gif.gif

3. shame gif.gif

2. horrified clueless.gif

And, of course…

1. made a huge mistake.gif

Oh, Paul. I’d say I feel sorry for you, but you brought this on yourself. If it makes you feel any better, at least people forgot about this for a moment!

paul ryan workout

Orlando, Guns, and Love: I’ve had wine so here we go

FYI: If you think it’s totally okay for private citizens to be able to purchase semi-automatic assault rifles easily in the United States, you might as well go find another blog post to read because you will not like this one. Have fun!

Okay.

So here we are again. The worst mass shooting in modern American history. At least 50 dead, dozens more injured, countless families destroyed, law enforcement in Orlando stretched so thin they can barely handle it, endless twitter and facebook posts with prayers for the dead and injured, Presidential speeches and political rants.

Prayers and thoughts are nice, but they aren’t keeping AR-15s out of the hands of evil assholes, misogynists, terrorists, and homophobes like this asshole who did this today. They aren’t teaching our children to resolve feelings of anger and hatred in therapy instead of with violence, or to see all humans as worthy of respect and life even if they are different from them.

Here’s some shit I am doing now in light of this and other mass shootings. If you think that human life is more important than some asshole’s need to carry his AR-15 to the Chipotle or some douchebag’s discomfort at possibly having to pee in a shitty Target bathroom next to someone whose birth certificate says a different gender than the one they currently identify with or some religious fanatic’s fear of the power and value inherent in women and LGBT individuals’ existences, I hope you’ll do some of it, too.

  • Donate: I’ve just donated a small amount each to these two organizations:
    • Fund for Victims of Pulse Shooting via Equality Florida (
      GoFundMe): https://www.gofundme.com/PulseVictimsFund. Equality is the official LGBT civil rights org in Florida and they’ll be working with their attorneys and other organizations to distribute these funds to the victims and their families.
    • The Coalition to Stop Gun Violence: a decades-old organization dedicated to common sense gun control and ending gun violence! http://csgv.org/
    • Obviously there are other organizations as well, but these are just a couple, so if you have a spare $1 or $10 or $100 give to groups who are fighting common-sense gun control.
  • Read/get informed: 
    • I followed @igorvolsky on Twitter; he is the Deputy Director for the Center for American Progess action fund. He is tweeting the names of members of Congress who have accepted money from the NRA so you know who NOT to vote for in November or future elections if you care about stopping these mass shootings regardless of motivation.
    • This article also details the members of Congress (mostly Republicans, but some Dems in there too!) who voted AGAINST the act to include perceived gender, sexual orientation, gender identity, and disabilities as protected classes under existing federal hate crimes law. The law passed, but not easily. If your Senator or Representative is on this list, and you give a shit about LGBT and disabled people, do not vote for these asshats in the future, and call them up and tell them why!
  • Vote based on this information: 
    • This Fall, I’m voting for Democrat Hillary Rodham Clinton for President of the United States, not only because she is NOT a giant sentient Cheeto with a yellow wig who spews racist bullshit on Twitter every 3.5 hours and wants to have sex with its daughter, but because I strongly agree with her on many issues- especially women’s reproductive rights and gun control. She has an F rating from the NRA, which is the best failing grade someone can get if you ask me!
    • I’m a California voter, and so will also be voting in the Fall for Democrat Kamala D. Harris for US Senator to replace retiring Senator Barbara Boxer. Her opponent in the race is also a Democrat, Loretta Sanchez, but Sanchez voted in 2005 FOR a bill that would shield gun manufacturers from responsibility in some lawsuits when gun sales result in tragedy. Sorry, Sanchez, that was one mistake you’re not gonna live down with this voter!
    • That’s just me; whatever state or district you live in, use the information in the section above and your own research to vote for candidates who support making and enforcing laws that will keep assault rifles, which are, you know, for ASSAULTING PEOPLE and not to hunt quails or whatever because COME ON, out of the hands of dangerous people. Also vote for candidates who speak of all people, regardless of race, ethnicity, gender/gender orientation, sexual preference, age, etc. with respect. People don’t pick up an assault rifle, a pistol, a knife, or even their fists in a vacuum. The Planned Parenthood Shooter spoke of “baby parts” after storming a Colorado PP and killing three people, including a police officer; according to some reports, the piece of shit who murdered fifty people this morning was angered by seeing two men kiss in Miami months ago and had a history of domestic violence. That kind of homophobia and misogyny and anger isn’t all innate; these messages are reinforced by both private figures in our lives and, yes, public figures, too. What our elected officials say matters. When someone insinuates that all gay people are evil sinners, or all abortion providers are murderers, or all Mexicans are rapists, or all black people are thugs, or all Muslims are terrorists–people listen to this shit, and it poisons them. We can’t control what a given individual learns in their home growing up or from their friends or their place of worship, but we can control, to a certain extent, what our elected officials say to their constituents and their children. Vote for people who don’t say racist, homophobic, misogynistic, or other terrible shit.

So that’s what I’m doing and thinking. What are you doing? Seriously, if there are major things I’m missing, please tell me, because I want to do more. I’m sort of tipsy from drinking anger-wine tonight to dull the pain of this shitty world, but I’m fired up and want to do things because I am sick of this. I don’t even know if I’m going to have kids, but if I do, I want them to grow up in a better country and world. I also know there’s a huge mental health angle to all this, but it’s something that’s hard for me to tackle because I HAVE a mental illness and there’s so much to unpack with that all I can say for now is that the vast majority of people with mental illness do not hurt anyone and are non-violent (the same way that the vast majority of Muslims or white guys or anti-abortion people do not ever hurt anyone). That being said, it’s still something to discuss–I just don’t know how to do it tonight. If anyone has any resources, I would love to read them.

Finally, I’m just so, so, so sorry for the victims in Orlando and their families and friends, and for the global LGBT community. I love you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

 

Accurate Wedding Hashtags You Won’t See on Insta This Summer

It’s Memorial Day, which means wedding season has officially begun! I adore going to the beautiful weddings of people I love (luckily for me, because I have four to attend before the year is out!), but I gotta be honest: I’m pretty iffy the #millennial trend of #weddinghashtags. Practically, I get that it’s helpful to aggregate social media photos of the wedding, but also…isn’t that what the professional photog’s getting paid $150 an hour to do? I do think hashtags would be more fun if, instead of some cute pun on the future spouses’ names, they revealed key truths about the couple in question. However, it’s probably not gonna happen, so I’ve compiled a list of accurate wedding hashtags you won’t see on insta this summer for your entertainment:

#audreyissettlingformark

#weshouldhavesignedaprenup

#thirdtimeisprobablynotthecharm

#grandmasgonnadiesoonsothisisforher

#anastasianeedsagreencard

#thisweddingcostmorethanyourhousehaha

#yougiveussixmonthstopsandweagree

#allthebridesmaidsactuallyhatejennifercuzshesabitch

#boywesuredolovemasonjarsdontwe

#werereligiousandreallywanttohavesex

#imnottakingbradsnameandheispissedeventhoughclaimstobefeminist

#werecheapsoitsacashbar

#ihavecoldfeetbutmydadpaidalotofmoneyforthis

#imsansastarksothisisnotgoingtoendwell

#wedidntknowitwasaslaveplantationwhenwebookedthevenuenowgetoffourbacks

#wehaventdiscussedwhetherwebothwantkidsyetsothatwillgowell

#youwouldneverhavesetfootinclevelandwereitnotforthiswedding

#momwantsgrandkids

#ourmarriagewillbenothinglikemyparentsright

#amyspregnantsohereweare

 

Cheers to happy couples everywhere!😉

 

 

*Disclaimer to everyone whose weddings I am attending this summer: lol this is not you. Except maybe the mason jars one, because come on, who DOESN’T love mason jars? My wedding is gonna take place in a fucking mason jar, people!

 

ATTENTION, IMPORTANT NEWS: LOOK AT THIS WALRUS CAM!

I have been dealing with a lingering depressive/anxiety episode, and it wasn’t getting much better, and then someone shared this on one of my fave comment boards: it is a LIVE WALRUS CAM! YOU CAN WATCH THE WALRUSES ALL SUMMER LONG 24/7! THIS IS AMAZING!

This is a live feed of the walruses, who are doing some really good walrusing (?) in Round Island, Alaska all summer. Per Science(TM), the walruses congregate here to chill, basically, when they’re not having sex, which is in the winter. According to Wikipedia, it’s called a “haul out,” but I’m going to go ahead and call it “Walrus Netflix & Chill,” but without the requisite binge-watching of Arrested Development (seasons 1-3 only, because S4 was middling at best). They basically spend a lot of time sleeping and sometimes swimming around with their friends before sleeping more. They are adorable and I love them and they have entirely cured me of depression.

Okay, so that’s not true, but they are just GREAT, and how cool is it that I can watch these walruses and listen to their walrus sounds and watch them as they walrus from the comfort of my bedroom in HD? What a great time to be alive, so go FUCK YOURSELF, DEPRESSION! WITNESS THESE WALRUSES, AND BEGONE!

walrus-cam
I AM THE WALRUS…SO GTFO DEPRESSION

 

 

I Have Been Slayed

And not by Buffy, though I would consider that an honor, too.

Last night I attended the Formation World Tour in Santa Clara and saw the Queen: Beyoncé. And I now have a Beyoncé Hangover(TM), though that may be due to the high altitude of our nosebleed seats and the ALMOST NINETY MINUTES we spent in the miserably disorganized and congested Levi’s Stadium parking lot of DOOM after the show. Still, it was all worth it. I had two hot dogs, bought two overpriced Bey shirts, and cried when she sang “All Night.” It was a hell of a show, and if you love spectacle, glitter, Becky-with-the-good-hair conspiracies, pissing off old white guys who think she hates the police, and joy, I suggest you see it if you possibly can. But not at Levi’s Stadium, because that is the Ninth Layer of Hell.

Check out the album, which includes some video, and OKAY LADIES NOW LET’S GET IN FORMATION!

 

Anyone else at the concert last night? Drop me a line in the comments!

I Want To Be These Sunbathing Turtles

Friday morning, I took my usual walking route in Golden Gate Park around Stow Lake, and there was a great deal of #nature happening. I was particularly impressed by the minimum twenty-five (possibly more) sunbathing turtles I saw every ten feet or so around the edge of the lake:

 

It was an unusually sunny morning, and these turtles were OWNING life. They just sat on or next to each other, motionless, and soaked up the sun, completely oblivious to the crowds of tourists snapping pictures of them. They were basically a posse of Victoria’s Secret models on a beach vacation with Leo DiCaprio, but less narcissistic and more sober.  There were also flowers and a fountain in the park, and it was overall just a gorgeous day.

Then came Sunday, which was Bay to Breakers. B2B is San Francisco’s annual footrace/drunken walking orgy. It is like Halloween on crack, and when I went to the local market to buy cucumbers (I ran out, and I really like them, OKAY?), there were so many people on the streets in varying degrees of undress and intoxication and body-painted-ness that I started having a major panic attack and barely managed to stumble home, shaking, in time to take a xanax. I passed out, and when I woke up several hours later, I immediately thought back to last Friday and those turtles, and how calm and zen they made me feel. Those turtles have life DOWN, you know? I mean, the sun comes out, and they just swim over to the nearest available log or stone and chill out with their buddies. Why can’t I be like that?  Well, I guess I don’t live in a man-made lake in a protective shell, and, like, I am a sentient life form who requires income to survive, but you get what I mean. Why can’t I just take a page from their leathery, slow-moving book of turtle-y life and chill out once in a while?

Anxiety, alas, does not that work that way. We all need some degree of anxiety to survive–even the turtles must experience something akin to a fear response when a turtle predator, like…a lion (???) approaches–but for those of us whose anxiety is triggered more easily by a variety of factors, it can be a huge liability.

I’m lucky, though–my anxiety is mostly manageable with therapy, drugs, sleep, drugs, exercise, and the support of family and friends…and drugs. I know many of you fight the good fight with these and all the other tools you can muster, and I salute you. I wish for you and for myself that, in the midst of all the nuttiness that daily life throws at us, every once and a while we get to be these sunbathing turtles, posing for tourists on a log, our reptilian faces turned craned up towards the sky. Happy Monday, Turtles!

 

Please leave your thoughts in the comments, especially if you are a turtle, because your perspective would really be appreciated here and also it would be pretty cool if you guys learned how to use the internet. 🐢

…no, but seriously

A Day Out With Anand Photography

Tales Of A Photographer

Mental Break - In Progress

Please hold while I direct your call...

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Because someone my age and my size still likes to look cute!

Tales from the Cabbage Patch

Because everyone wonders where they came from

mypassengerdiaries

travel and adventure

Sincerely GC

Welcome To My Perfectly Imperfect World...

c'est pas moi je l'jure!

Un p'tit coin d'paradis loin du monde. Des chats, des recettes, des jeux, des voyages, des coups de gueule, des coups de blues, de la musique, des rigolades, et tout ça pour pas un sou!

Dysfunctional Literacy

Just because you CAN read Moby Dick doesn't mean you should.

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because thoughts become movements

Tamara Prokopchuk

(just another blog about this, that and then some)

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Because we speak a language all our own.

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TRAVEL PHOTO BLOG ~everyday, you find here an inspiring travel picture~

The Falling Thoughts

Poems, Poetry Plus Passion

Kayla M Burson

Reader, Writer, Thinker, Creator

Storyshucker

A blog full of humorous and poignant observations.

A Day Out With Anand Photography

Tales Of A Photographer

Mental Break - In Progress

Please hold while I direct your call...

Mid-Century Curves

Because someone my age and my size still likes to look cute!

Tales from the Cabbage Patch

Because everyone wonders where they came from

mypassengerdiaries

travel and adventure

Sincerely GC

Welcome To My Perfectly Imperfect World...

c'est pas moi je l'jure!

Un p'tit coin d'paradis loin du monde. Des chats, des recettes, des jeux, des voyages, des coups de gueule, des coups de blues, de la musique, des rigolades, et tout ça pour pas un sou!

Dysfunctional Literacy

Just because you CAN read Moby Dick doesn't mean you should.

Redeem the Thought

because thoughts become movements

Tamara Prokopchuk

(just another blog about this, that and then some)

The Introvert's Dictionary

Because we speak a language all our own.

Toast and Tea

Express Yourself in Beautifully Webbed Words

Traveling Rockhopper

TRAVEL PHOTO BLOG ~everyday, you find here an inspiring travel picture~

The Falling Thoughts

Poems, Poetry Plus Passion

Kayla M Burson

Reader, Writer, Thinker, Creator

Storyshucker

A blog full of humorous and poignant observations.

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